Falling in love is like having a new toy with lots of secret compartments to discover. Staying in love… well, that’s a different story. After a while, “‘til death do us part” can seem like a pretty long time to keep the spark alive. (Like…forever…actually!) But if you worry your relationship has started gathering dust at the bottom of the bin, there’s hope. We spoke to therapists and relationship experts who say it’s totally normal for a long-term love or marriage to feel like it’s flaming out, and even to question whether or not it’s time to cut ties. Better yet, they gave us tips on how to rekindle the romance. (And we promise that’s the last of the cheesy fire metaphors.)

First of all, no one feels “in love” all the time.

“When you first fall in love, there’s excitement and passion,” says relationship expert Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. But, she says, “as your relationship grows, it becomes more about intimacy and connection.” So if those butterflies have flown away, don’t worry—it doesn’t mean your love has died. “The first thing to realize about being in a long-term relationship is that it waxes and wanes,” says Miller. “What you feel in the beginning is impossible to sustain.” She says that if you understand this concept it will lessen the pressure to feel deeply in love all of the time.

It helps to go back to the beginning.

While you can’t expect that fuzzy sensation to last forever, you can revisit the places where the butterflies started. Jennifer Levy, professional counselor and certified sex therapist says that the beginning stages of a relationship are “marked by powerful feelings of infatuation, fantasies and desire.”

To help rekindle those feelings, “return to the area where you met, or got engaged,” she says. Amiira Ruotola, co-author of How To Keep Your Marriage From Sucking also recommends a walk down memory lane. “Going somewhere you have great memories together can remind you that you’re still interesting people who like each other,” she says. “Sometimes we need a sensory kick in the butt to reignite a dormant spark.”

And share secrets with each other.

If you’re feeling disconnected, try telling your partner a secret you’ve never revealed to anyone before. “When couples are welcoming and non-judgmental of their partner’s secrets they strengthen their connection,” says Suzann Pileggi Pawelski, co-author of Happy Together, which she wrote with her husband James Pawelski, PhD. Whether it’s a childhood memory, a vivid dream, or a fantasy, when you share these truths, you’re saying “I trust you,” which helps re-establish an emotional bond. And that can feel very sexy.

Get your hearts racing together.

If you watch The Bachelor, you’ve seen how bungee jumping can bring two people closer (well, temporarily at least). And while they may seem in love, it’s the adrenaline rush and endorphins that help speed things along.

“Studies show that adrenaline increases attraction,” says Miller. So if you’re longing to make your heart go pitter-patter again, try literally kick-starting it. If jumping off a bridge isn’t your thing, Miller suggests going to an amusement park, a haunted house, or trying anything new and adventurous that interests both of you.

Don’t underestimate the power of a “thank you.”

Kira Bartlett PsyD, says that one of the easiest ways to keep the spark alive is to acknowledge the things that your partner does. So if you feel like your relationship is waning, make it a daily practice to tell your partner (in a text, or face-to-face) something you appreciate. For example, “Thank you for taking the trash out every week, I know I don’t seem to notice, but it’s a big help.” Pileggi Pawelski says that gratitude is one of the most important positive emotions for thriving relationships. “When expressed regularly, gratitude has been shown to be a booster shot for satisfaction,” she says.

Burn your resentments.

According to Dr. Juliana Morris, therapist and certified sex expert, one way to rekindle a flickering relationship is to literally light a fire. “Sit down together and, on small pieces of paper, privately write down your resentments,” she says. Then use a pit, or burning bowl, and “set the papers on fire with the intention of releasing the negative feelings.” When done correctly—as in ensuring that the focus remains on healing and moving forward, and not dredging up the past—Morris says that this can be a “fun and freeing practice.”

Take sex off the table.

It may seem counterintuitive, but to get heat back, it may be best to take the sex out of it—at least for a little while. “For some couples, removing the pressure of having sex can help rekindle romance and connection,” says Morris. She suggests trying an ‘anything but’ rule: “Kiss and hold hands and go to second base, but that’s it,” she says. “Not going all the way can help relax the situation, as well as allow vulnerability and create a build up of sexual tension.”

(Or, have sex on the table!)

On the other hand, amping up your sex life is also a good idea. Morris sometimes recommends that her clients try a 30 day sex challenge. “When you’ve committed to having sex every day, it can be fun to anticipate it,” she says.

Cori Dixon-Fyle, founder and psychotherapist at Thriving Path, also recommends shaking up the usual routine. “Changing when, where, how, and who initiates sex can make a long-term relationship feel fresh again,” she says. But if your sex life has gotten so stagnant that you feel like nothing will help, Morris suggests seeing a licensed sex therapist who can teach you that “sexual connection is something that deserves attention,” she says.

Plan secret dates for each other.

It’s always nice to be thought of, and it feels good to do something nice for your partner. So once a month, take turns planning dates for each other. “Simply tell your partner how to dress, from sweats to formal,” suggests Dixon-Fyle. “The surprise of the date adds desire and mystery,” she explains. Pileggi Pawelski also recommends planning dates for each other. But be careful! If you hate football and your partner is obsessed, don’t plan to take them to a bar to watch a game. You’ll be grumbling the whole time. Instead, Pileggi Pawelski says to identify your partner’s strengths, and pair it with yours. For example, if you love to learn, and your partner is creative, take a painting class together (and bring some wine!)

Give each other space.

Remember when you were first dating, and you’d spot your partner across the room? Levy says “distance creates desire and anticipation,” and suggests this little game: The next time you go out together, sit at opposite sides of the bar. “You never know what feelings you’ll stir up,” she says. Miller also agrees that distance can help revitalize a flatlining relationship, but she suggests taking it one step further by spending time apart from one-another. (Woot! Girls trip!) “Sometimes we need time away to truly miss our partner and to remember what we have at home waiting for us,” she says.

Take care of yourself.

When you’re in a relationship for so long, it can be hard to remember where your partner ends and you begin. Unfortunately, that’s a sure way to suck the oxygen out of the fire. “It’s difficult to feel attracted to someone who has lost their autonomy and individual identity,” says Dixon-Fyle. She suggests rekindling the passion in your relationship by fueling yourself first: Find a hobby, set some job goals, or do charity work. “Not only will having individual interests give you something to talk about,” says Dixon-Fyle, “but when you’re happy with yourself, you set the standard on how others love you.”

Beginners, women who want to exercise after their pregnancy to get their pelvic floor muscles in shape again, or 50-plus ladies can best choose for larger and lighter balls. Experts advise to start with a light ball on a sturdy string, made of safe silicone. Yoni egg vs Ben Waa balls, these balls are easier to insert and remove.

Between 30 and 45 years with children (Slightly advanced)

Are you between 30 and 45, with children and no serious pelvic floor symptoms? Then you belong to the group ‘slightly advanced’.

Not yet 35? No children? No complaints? (Advanced)

Under 35 and had no childbirth? Or do you practice yoga or Pilates? And do you have no pelvic floor symptoms? Then you belong to the ‘advanced’. The heavier balls are harder to hold and a right choice for you. Small, heavy balls are the ultimate challenge. But you do not have to opt for small balls automatically. Small balls are often less good to feel and therefore give less that sensual and exciting feeling.

Complete cone sets that anyone over 30 can use (Beginners and light advanced)

If you do not know exactly whether you belong to the “beginners” or “slightly advanced” group, you can opt for a complete training set. The best and most beautiful set experts find is the Je Joue Ami nice set that goes up to a tough workout , but the inexpensive set Nova from Svakom , The Cherry set with which you can start with very light weights and the Luna Beads from the top brand Lelo are also effective. You can use this as a ‘beginner’ or ‘slightly advanced’ start and build up the training slowly, at your own pace. Is the first ball a little too light? Then you can start with the heavier version. Another tip: also take a look at the yoni eggs.

How do you apply the balls well?

Try to relax yourself. A shower in advance can be nice. Bring your attention to your pelvic floor area. Clean the balls before use. You can do this with lukewarm water and anti-bacterial soap or a special toy cleaner.

First apply a little lubricant (for example Pink Frolic or Pjur Toy Lube) to the (front ball.) You can also apply the lubricant to the opening of your vagina, which makes the insertion more comfortable, but do not overdo it, because that can make the ball too smooth making it difficult to hold in place, then you put the ball in, or the balls one by one, press them a little into your vagina until the ball slides in. Then its okay does not push the ball all the way to the back of the vagina, keeping the string on the outside of your body.

Try to experiment with the spot. This stimulates the vaginal wall and gives an exciting feeling.   Try to wear them lower in the vagina for a softer sensation, or try to get them directly behind the g-spot for a more intense excitement. The most important thing is that the basic ball is on top of the pelvic floor muscle. If wear a ben wa ball during your normal activities such as walking, swimming, or cleaning, you activate and strengthen your pelvic floor muscles.

When do you know that you have the right ball?

The best weight of the cone to start with is the cone that you can lift and lower comfortably once inserted.

Simple training with ben wa balls

By wearing the balls during your normal activities such as walking, swimming or cleaning you activate and strengthen your pelvic floor muscles.

You must stand or keep moving, and not sit or lie down. The balls will tend to sag and drop below their own weight. Your pelvic floor muscles respond to this and automatically contract. This ensures effective and specific physiotherapy. Depending on how it feels, the balls can be worn for a few minutes or longer. We advise to gradually increase the useful life. But preferably no longer than 30 minutes, because pelvic floor muscles that are too tight can cause other problems. For real muscle strengthening, the balls must be worn regularly over an uninterrupted period. Well with a rest day after 2 days of training for the best result for example, a number of times a week for 1-4 months.

Extra cone exercises

For optimal results, you can do cone exercises with these cone balls. Exercises 1 and 2 in particular are good exercises to start calmly.

Kegel exercise 1 Good start exercise

For this exercise you sit on a chair. You put the ball in, you keep the legs closed. You try to gently move the ball back and forth. Then focus on squeezing the balls.

If you sext a lot, you may be running out of ideas… which is probably why you’re here.

Try some of these game.

1. PICTURE STRIPTEASE

It’s exactly as it sounds.  The photo sequence should be slow and teasing – a few buttons here, a little bit of skin there.  It’s especially fun if your partner is stripping too.

2. ROLEPLAYING

Teach and naughty student or be a police officer during questioning etc. It can either be a power exchange or just excitement and seduction. However, it’s not something to be forced into the conversation. It should flow naturally.

If you’re at a loss for ideas, “Confessions to a priest” is an easy place to start.

3. MASTURBATION RACE

Not a lot of texting involved, but getting each other worked up beforehand helps. After the fires are stoked, race to orgasm.

4. FUCK, MARRY, KILL

If you haven’t heard of this game before, it’s easy. Choose three people under whatever criteria you want, and the other person has to choose which of them they will fuck, marry, and kill. Extra points for stating why.

5. WOULD YOU RATHER?

Simple but a fun, hypothetical game (especially if you elaborate). Go kinky, dirty, or romantic – doesn’t matter as long as it’s hot.

6. TANDEM STORIES

Write a hot sentence to start off a story and have your partner add one, so on, so forth until you have steamy, DIY erotica.

7. WHAT DO YOU DO NEXT?

Evolving from a tandem story, this game takes on elements of a “choose your own adventure” or dungeons and dragons campaign.

Situations can be spontaneous or planned out ahead of time.

8. TRUTH OR DARE

If you’re playing with a close partner, they might know most of your dark secrets, but you can alter it to be more of a “dare or dare” scenario if wanted. In this game, you can play chastity cage toys as dare. They will never forget about that!

9. NEVER HAVE I EVER

You can learn new, sordid tidbits about someone or use it as a catalyst for other activities, such as stripping, pictures, or future sexy favors.

10. SEXY 20 QUESTIONS

Straightforward and fun. It can be sexual positions, body parts, fantasies etc.

11. DO AS I SAY

For those who enjoy domination. One person can order their partner to do all sorts of naughty things. How hardcore you get is up to you, just make sure everyone is comfortable.

12. SEX BUCKET LIST

Share all the hot, flirty, and freaky fantasies you want to do at some point in your life – everything from simple to elaborate.

13. PAST OR FUTURE

Not necessarily a game, but a fun activity – share sexy memories from the past or things you would love to do in the future.

14. FINISH THE SENTENCE

Fill in the blank and get your partner worked up until they beg, blush, or explode.

I recommend having a list of ideas ahead of time if you’re worried about on-the-spot creativity.

15. GUESS THE BODY PART

You’ve seen it on other social media – someone takes a photo of a body part and the other person needs to guess what it is. Keep in mind that the whole idea is to be sneaky – like the bend of your knee to appear like cleavage.

16. SEXY SCAVENGER HUNT

Make a list of fun or dirty things your partner has to snap a picture of within a certain period of time – images should include the person IN the photo.

17. SEXY SHOPPING LIST

Go on Amazon and find the top 10 sexy things you would love to buy (price is no limit). After, share and compare with your partner. A fun variation is making your partner put the list in order from least wanted to most wanted and see if the order syncs up.

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Do you have any other ideas for sexting games? Share in the comments below!