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“Grip it and Rip it!” — The Basics of Impact Play

“Grip it and Rip it!” — The Basics of Impact Play

Impact play can be thrilling yet intimidating for newcomers. With so many toys and techniques available, how do you choose what’s right for you? From stingy whips to thuddy chains, each option offers a different sensation and level of intensity. Understanding safety precautions and effective 

Your Butt Will Thank You For Using Butt Plugs And Anal Beads

Your Butt Will Thank You For Using Butt Plugs And Anal Beads

Butt plugs and anal beads, the versatile stars of the sex toy world, are gaining new fans by the day. And it’s no wonder—they pave a path to the most responsive pleasure spots hidden within: the Prostate, affectionately known as the P-Spot, and the treasure 

Learn How to Do Impact Play Safely: Tips & Tricks

Learn How to Do Impact Play Safely: Tips & Tricks

What Is Impact Play?

Impact play is any sort of interaction that involves hitting your partner. Spanking is a classic example that many people have tried, often targeting the buttocks. The practice can go beyond spanking, employing specialized tools or everyday objects to achieve the desired impact.

Impact play delves into the “discipline” aspect of BDSM and caters to those interested in S&M (sadism and masochism). It ranges from using light tools like hands to more severe instruments like canes and floggers. As we noted, consent is crucial in impact play. Without it, the practice can cause real harm.

Consent involves detailed negotiations about tools, acceptable body parts, and the intensity and duration of the impact. Safewords and other safety measures are also essential to prevent unintended harm.

Types of Impact Play

Spanking

Spanking is one of the most accessible and widely practiced forms of impact play. It typically involves striking the buttocks or other body parts using hands or specialized implements like paddles. The use of hands can create an intimate connection, while toys can add variety.

Spanking can trigger a range of sensations. Mixing up the spots and the duration of your hand’s contact can vary the experience. Rubbing the areas you just hit can alleviate discomfort and provide an opportunity for sensual stroking. It’s important to avoid striking the tailbone or lower back due to the presence of kidneys, which can be damaged by impact.

Slapping

Slapping can be done with an open palm or light objects like paddles. Starting with light slaps on areas such as the buttocks, thighs, or chest is recommended. For face slapping, target the cheeks and avoid the eyes and ears.

To mitigate safety risks, having the head against something soft like an arm or pillow can be helpful. Repeated softer slaps from closer to the face are safer and can be just as exciting.

Flogging

Flogging involves the use of a tool with multiple tails, often made of leather. The sensation can range from gentle tickling to a more intense stinging or thudding feeling. Not all floggers are created equal; choosing an appropriate length and weight is crucial.

Beginners should opt for a lightweight flogger no longer than their arm. Start with gentle strokes on areas such as the back or buttocks and gradually increase the speed and intensity. Avoid flogging above the shoulder blades to prevent accidental injury to the eyes.

Caning

Caning involves striking the body with a thin, rigid cane. This form of impact play can be both sensual and intense, depending on the force and precision of the strikes. Caning is considered an advanced practice because a little goes a long way.

Begin with light taps on the buttocks or thighs, gradually increasing force and frequency. Caning can easily leave welts and marks, so be mindful of both intensity and duration. Always communicate with your partner about their limits and comfort levels before and during the session.

Whipping

Whips require practice. Start by practicing on the air or an inanimate object to get a feel for the movement and aim. Gentle strokes on the buttocks or backs of the thighs are a good starting point.

Avoid striking the face, genitals, or lower back to prevent serious injury. Whipping can be intense, so it’s essential to prioritize safety and consent.

Punching

Punching involves using a closed fist instead of a flat palm. Light to heavy punching of the chest or buttocks can be a way to safely play with this thuddy form of impact. Avoid the face, spine, or any major organs, and ensure you have your partner’s consent.

Punching is considered a more intense form of impact play and should be approached with caution. Always prioritize the safety and consent of your partner.

Kicking

Kicking involves using the feet to deliver sensation. Light kicks on areas typically safe for impact play, such as the buttocks, thighs, or chest, can be enjoyable. Light kicks on sensitive areas like the ball sack or vagina can also be fun if done carefully.

Kicking requires a gradual approach to keep from hurting your partner. Always communicate and ensure you are both comfortable with the intensity.

Cropping

Crops are traditionally used by equestrians and consist of a thin, flexible rod covered in leather. They end with a small loop of leather or another material that acts as a slapper. Crops allow for precise, targeted hits that can create a strong, stingy sensation.

The intensity of cropping can be controlled by using just the wrist or involving the full arm. Crops are versatile, and their lightness and flexibility allow for nuanced control over the force and area of impact.

Whatever You Do, Make Sure You’re Doing It Safely

Adhering to the Risk Aware Consensual Kink (RACK) principle is crucial. Impact play without consent is not impact play at all, but assault. Always ensure that both partners are fully aware of the risks and have given their explicit consent.

These guidelines are good starting points, but it’s essential to do your own research. Prioritize communication, consent, and safety in all your impact play activities.

Choosing Your Tools

Selecting the right tools for impact play is crucial for ensuring a satisfying and safe experience. The materials used in these tools can range from leather to wood to rubber, each offering a different sensation. Leather tends to be more forgiving, making it a suitable choice for beginners or those who prefer less pain. On the other hand, more rigid materials, like wood, can deliver a more intense experience.

The size and weight of the tools also play a significant role in the kind of impact and sensation they produce. Heavier tools generally create a deeper, thudding impact, while lighter ones provide a sharper, stinging sensation. Similarly, the width of the implement affects the level of pain; narrower tools like canes focus the force on a smaller area, increasing the pain, whereas broader tools like paddles distribute the impact over a larger area.

Thuddy vs. Stingy Play

When discussing impact play, it’s essential to understand the difference between thuddy and stingy sensations. As explained by experts, “The wider the implement and the bigger the area struck, the thuddier the impact.” For instance, a paddle will generally create a thuddier sensation compared to a whip. Moreover, the receiver’s pain tolerance, stress levels, hydration, and even the weather can influence the experience.

Thuddy sensations are often described as deep and resonant, making them suitable for those who enjoy a more prolonged impact. Stingy sensations, on the other hand, are sharp and quick, often leaving a more immediate mark. Both types of sensations have their unique appeals and can be selected based on personal preferences and the dynamic between the giver and receiver.

Different Impact Toys for Different Sensations

Paddles are a popular choice for many, offering a good balance between pain and surface area coverage. They provide a broad area of impact with a burst of pain and a light sting, making them versatile for various types of play. Mallets or clubs, with their smaller area of impact, deliver a more centralized “thud,” catering to those who prefer deeper, more focused sensations.

Floggers are another versatile tool, capable of delivering a wide range of sensations from a soft thud to a sharp sting. The material and technique used with floggers can vary the intensity, making them suitable for both light and intense play preferences. Each tool offers a different experience, allowing for a customizable impact play session.

Everyone has different toy preferences

As noted by enthusiasts, impact play can involve a wide range of tools, from hands and feet to various specialized implements. It’s essential to enjoy whatever forms of impact you and your partner find gratifying without feeling pressured to conform to any particular style.

Preferences can evolve over time, and it’s perfectly acceptable to explore different types of impact play as your interests change. Whether it’s weeks, months, or even years down the road, the world of impact play offers endless possibilities to keep your experience fresh and exciting.

How to Make Impact Play More Fun

Adding elements of anticipation and control can make impact play more engaging. For instance, having the submissive pick out and prepare the tools for the session can build excitement and involvement. This step can heighten their expectations and make the experience more immersive.

Incorporating creative elements like having the submissive praise themselves after every spanking or count each stroke can add a psychological layer to the play. Combining impact play with other BDSM activities such as penetration with the handle of an object or wearing a butt plug during the session can increase the intensity and complexity, providing multiple forms of stimulation simultaneously.

Set Boundaries

Establishing boundaries is essential for a safe and pleasurable experience. Discussing fantasies and limits before engaging in impact play ensures both partners are aligned. Experts suggest asking questions about previous experiences, desired sensations, and medical conditions to gain clarity on boundaries.

It’s important to talk about specific areas of the body to focus on or avoid, as well as the types of props preferred or disliked. This level of communication ensures that both partners enjoy the experience while staying within their comfort zones.

Use Safe Words and Cues

Having a safe word is crucial for quick communication if someone feels uncomfortable or needs a break. The traffic light system is often recommended: Red means stop, yellow means proceed with caution or slow down, and green indicates to keep going.

For those who may have trouble communicating verbally during heightened experiences, safe cues like clapping hands, tapping on the shoulder, or shaking the head can be used. Non-verbal gestures are especially useful if hands are tied or mouths are gagged, providing an additional layer of safety.

Go Slowly

Building up slowly to impact play can maximize pleasure and minimize discomfort. A warm-up that includes massaging the targeted area before lighter forms of impact can prepare the body. Once the partner is comfortable, you can discuss increasing intensity or introducing props.

Gradually progressing from tapping or gentle slapping to more intense forms of impact helps the body acclimate. This method enhances the overall experience by allowing the body to adjust to varying levels of intensity.

Location Matters

Knowing which areas can handle more impact is crucial for safety. Fleshy, muscular areas like the buttocks and thighs are generally safe, while organs, joints, spine, ribs, and other bony areas should be avoided. Always stay away from sensitive areas like the head or neck unless explicitly requested by the partner.

Proper training on technique can be beneficial. Considering a class for in-depth knowledge on safely engaging in impact play can provide valuable insights and prevent injuries.

Keep Checking In

Maintaining open communication throughout the experience ensures both partners remain comfortable and consenting. Regular check-ins every few minutes or when changing tempo, intensity, or location can be helpful.

Simple questions like “How is this feeling for you?” or “Do you like that?” can gauge the partner’s comfort level. These check-ins ensure that any discomfort or boundary breaches are quickly addressed, fostering a trusting and supportive environment.

Positions for Impact Play

Over-the-knee is an excellent position for erotic spanking, small floggers, and paddles. This position allows for close physical contact and control, making it ideal for more intimate sessions. The dominant partner can easily monitor the bottom’s responses, ensuring both safety and pleasure.

Standing positions are versatile and suitable for almost any type of impact play. If bondage is involved, the dominant partner can tie their partner’s hands above their head, using over-the-door cuffs or a St. Andrew’s cross. This setup adds to the restraint and can enhance the overall experience.

Bending over a table, counter, bed, or another piece of furniture is also effective. This position provides support for longer sessions and allows the dominant partner to control the angle and force of the impact easily. It is particularly useful for heavier implements like canes or whips.

Again, the choice of position significantly impacts the dynamic and intensity of the scene. As we noted, each position offers unique advantages and levels of control, making it important to choose based on the specific needs and desires of both partners.

Pro tips for impact play:

Impact play varies greatly, and experimenting with different props and sensations can help find what works best. Tools like canes and whips offer a “stingy” sensation, while paddles and floggers provide a “thuddy” sensation, according to experts Catherine and Kimberly. Most people prefer a combination of both, with stingy hits happening midway through the session when pain sensitivity has decreased.

Mixing techniques and tools can enhance the experience. Rubbing areas just struck can alleviate discomfort while providing a sensual touch.

Where to strike

“As a general rule, the meatier the area, the safer it is to hit. Buttocks, legs, thighs are all okay,” says Catherine. “Some engage in a little light tapping of genitals or breasts, too.” However, one should avoid major organs, as well as the spine, so skip the tummy and lower back.

Pain scale

“If it’s your first time exploring impact play with a new partner, using a number scale to communicate how much impact you can or want to take is recommended,” says Kimberly. “One means unnoticeable and ten means to your limit and the most you can take,” she adds. “Begin with a few light swipes and then have your partner tell you the number of pain they’re feeling, plus what number they’d like to get to in that scene.”

Warm-Up to Prevent Injuries and Increase Blood Flow

Warm-up is crucial in impact play as it helps to loosen up the muscles that will be impacted by the scene and increases blood flow throughout the body, which helps in preventing cramping and injury. Light tapping, smacking, or hitting at the beginning of a scene brings capillaries to the surface of the skin, increasing blood flow and preparing the body for heavier impact.

The body is deemed ready for heavier impact when you can feel the heat coming off the affected area by placing the palm of your hand about an inch above the skin. This indicates that the muscles are properly warmed up.

Areas of the body where the internal organs are housed, such as the lower back and stomach, should generally be avoided to prevent serious injury. The head and neck are also huge no-nos due to the high risk involved, especially when using implements like whips or paddles, as it can be deadly.

Even with consent, special care should be taken with areas like lower arms, shoulder blades, and calves due to lower muscle content. These areas are more prone to injury if not handled cautiously.

Clean impact toys after each use to avoid irritation

Cleaning your toys after each scene is crucial as sweat, skin cells, and blood can often rub off on your instruments, posing a risk of skin irritation and infection. It is recommended to clean your toys at the earliest possible convenience, and absolutely no later than before the next scene, to maintain hygiene and safety.

Personal experiences have shown the importance of this practice, as poor toy hygiene can lead to severe infections, such as a Urinary Tract Infection, emphasizing the need for diligent cleaning.

Checking in with the bottom periodically to ensure comfort and safety

Regular check-ins with the bottom should be done periodically during an impact scene to ensure muscles and joints are not becoming strained or causing unexpected pain. If rope or ties are used, frequently revisit areas where circulation can be cut off, like wrists, elbows, knees, and ankles, to prevent numbness or other issues.

The bottom also has a responsibility to communicate any discomfort or numbness to the top. Ignoring these signs can lead to serious health risks, including the need for emergency medical attention.

Admit Mistakes and Don’t Get Defensive

According to experts, the most important thing is to own up to your mistake. Don’t pretend it didn’t happen or make light of it. Acknowledging errors openly is key to maintaining trust and respect in a relationship.

Check in with your partner and ask if there is something they need after a mistake occurs. This promotes a culture of care and responsiveness, ensuring the partner feels heard and supported rather than dismissed.

It is crucial to not make it about you and your ego if your partner gives you feedback about a mistake or a boundary that was crossed. Instead of seeing this as criticism, focus on what they need. This reinforces the idea that the relationship is a collaborative effort rather than a battleground for egos.

Aftercare for Impact Play

Aftercare is crucial as the intense experience of impact play affects the body and mind, potentially leading to a condition known as sub drop. Ending the scene gently and helping your partner into a comfortable position is the first step in aftercare. This transition from the scene to a more relaxed state helps ease any emotional or physical tension that may have built up.

Providing snacks and drinks is another important aspect of aftercare. Treating any broken skin with a first aid kit, and using ice packs or cooling lotions like aloe can significantly aid in the physical recovery process. These actions help reduce redness, heat, and pain and promote quicker healing.

Cool Down by Rubbing and Massaging After Play

The cool-down process after impact play focuses on shifting from physical contact to gentle rubbing and massaging. This approach helps muscles to relax and stretch, reducing any tension built up during the session. It provides a soothing transition for the body, easing it from the high intensity of impact to a state of calm.

This phase also allows the submissive to unwind mentally. Entering a “quiet” part of sub-space is crucial for a complete and safe experience. As they relax, they can process the emotions and sensations experienced during the play, leading to a more holistic and fulfilling session.

Cool-down is integral when transitioning the submissive from equipment like a St. Andrew’s Cross or a spanking bench to the after-care area. This ensures their body adjusts smoothly, preventing sudden shifts that could cause discomfort or injury. Gentle touch during this period reassures the submissive, reinforcing the trust and connection built during the session.

Watch for bruises that don’t heal after play

Impact play, while generally safe, can sometimes result in bruising. It’s important to pay attention to any marks that don’t heal as expected. If a bruise lingers for an extended period, it might indicate something more serious. As one might say, “I wouldn’t think you need to worry about the impact, unless any bruising just won’t go away.”

Specifically, breast play often raises concerns. However, it’s probably not an issue for breast play as women usually wear bras far more frequently and for much longer periods than they have their breasts bound. This everyday practice suggests that brief episodes of impact play are unlikely to cause significant harm.

Paying attention to what’s happening in your body is crucial. By monitoring how your body responds, potential damage can be caught early and prevented from developing further. “I think if you just pay attention to what’s happening in your body any potential damage can be caught early and prevented from developing further.” This proactive approach ensures that impact play remains a safe and enjoyable activity.

Impact Play is Generally Safe but Can Have Risks; Use Common Sense

Impact play, like any other BDSM activity, necessitates awareness and caution. Avoid striking areas that can cause serious harm. The kidneys, situated high on the arse and low on the back, are particularly vulnerable. Joints should also be avoided to prevent long-term damage. It’s essential to start with light impacts and gradually increase force, ensuring the safety of all involved. Click here for a deep dive in the basics of impact play.

Using safewords is crucial, especially for beginners. Consensual non-consent (CNC) should be reserved for experienced partners who have established a deep level of trust and understanding. After a scene, engage in aftercare and discuss the experience. This helps to understand boundaries and improve future sessions.

Breast Impact Play Doesn’t Cause Cancer, Says Current Science

Current medical knowledge indicates that injuries from impact play do not cause cancer. Experts agree that such activities, when performed safely, are generally considered safe. Larry, a seasoned practitioner, shared, “I’ve not seen evidence that impact play is a direct cause of cancer. It seems to be an ‘after therefore because of’ scenario.”

Repeated Injuries Might Increase Cancer Risk, but It’s Unlikely

While individual injuries do not cause cancer, repeated injuries to the same tissues over many years might potentially increase the risk. For impact play to pose such a risk, the injuries would need to be severe and frequent, comparable to requiring emergency room visits. As mentioned earlier, the likelihood of regular impact play significantly increasing cancer risk is exceedingly low.

Be Careful with Breast Binding to Avoid Lymph Node Issues

Breast binding requires additional caution. The lymph nodes in the armpits connect to the breasts, and prolonged or improper binding can cause issues. Pay attention to your body’s signals to catch and prevent any potential damage early. Susan, an experienced participant, advises, “If you stay mindful of what’s happening in your body, any potential issues can be caught early and prevented from developing further.”

In summary, impact play can be safe with proper precautions. Avoiding high-risk areas and using safewords are fundamental practices. Understanding current medical insights and being cautious with activities like breast binding will help ensure a safer experience.

Why does impact play turn people on?

Impact play offers a unique avenue for those seeking to relinquish control in a safe environment. This can be incredibly liberating for individuals who constantly need to exert control in their daily lives. According to Fabris-Tantawi, this opportunity to surrender control can be a profound relief, allowing one to experience a different kind of freedom.

Neurologically, pain and pleasure share origins in the same parts of the brain, including the amygdala, pallidum, and nucleus accumbens. This overlap enhances the connection between these sensations. The release of endorphins during impact play provides a natural high, making it an exhilarating break from social and cultural norms. Narkiewicz further explains that engaging in what is considered taboo can offer a thrilling escape from everyday life.

Strong Ties Between Fetishes and Sexual Pleasure

Theories suggest that fetishes originate from conditioning, similar to Pavlov’s experiments. At some point, sexual gratification is paired with an object, fantasy, or act. Engaging in this behavior reinforces the strength of the conditioned response. Some theories posit that an unsexual object or activity becomes tied to sexual pleasure through a strong learning process in the brain, effectively becoming a fetish after a random pairing. For instance, deriving pleasure from popping a balloon could evolve into a sexual fetish.

This learned connection is similar to how music or food becomes rewarding. Such connections become robust links ingrained in the brain’s reward pathway. This explains why certain objects or activities are tied to sexual pleasure.

Fetishes Involve Other People’s Body Parts, Not Your Own

Take foot fetishes, for example. They involve other people’s feet rather than one’s own. If someone desires stimulation of their own feet, it does not qualify as a foot fetish. The argument that foot fetishes are prevalent due to the close proximity of the neural regions for feet and genitals in the cortical homunculus does not hold, as the fetish involves others’ feet, not the individual’s.

Discussing the prevalence and nature of fetishes, it is emphasized that fetishes typically involve objects or parts of other people’s bodies. This reinforces the distinction that a fetish is not about finding pleasure from one’s own body parts.

Keep Your Relationship Strong and Healthy With This Guide!

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If you are looking for relationship advice that will help you improve the connection with your partner, you’re in luck! We have a few things to say! Here, we will go through some of the tricks that will help you keep your relationship healthy and 

BDSM Saved My Failing Marriage from Divorce

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When you think of a person who’d be into kinky sex, I’m the last person you’d imagine. I’m a mom of two (with the stretch marks to prove it) who’s been happily married for nearly 20 years. I volunteer at the school, work part-time in 

How to Get the Spark Back in Your Relationship

How to Get the Spark Back in Your Relationship

Falling in love is like having a new toy with lots of secret compartments to discover. Staying in love… well, that’s a different story. After a while, “‘til death do us part” can seem like a pretty long time to keep the spark alive. (Like…forever…actually!) But if you worry your relationship has started gathering dust at the bottom of the bin, there’s hope. We spoke to therapists and relationship experts who say it’s totally normal for a long-term love or marriage to feel like it’s flaming out, and even to question whether or not it’s time to cut ties. Better yet, they gave us tips on how to rekindle the romance. (And we promise that’s the last of the cheesy fire metaphors.)

First of all, no one feels “in love” all the time.

“When you first fall in love, there’s excitement and passion,” says relationship expert Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. But, she says, “as your relationship grows, it becomes more about intimacy and connection.” So if those butterflies have flown away, don’t worry—it doesn’t mean your love has died. “The first thing to realize about being in a long-term relationship is that it waxes and wanes,” says Miller. “What you feel in the beginning is impossible to sustain.” She says that if you understand this concept it will lessen the pressure to feel deeply in love all of the time.

It helps to go back to the beginning.

While you can’t expect that fuzzy sensation to last forever, you can revisit the places where the butterflies started. Jennifer Levy, professional counselor and certified sex therapist says that the beginning stages of a relationship are “marked by powerful feelings of infatuation, fantasies and desire.”

To help rekindle those feelings, “return to the area where you met, or got engaged,” she says. Amiira Ruotola, co-author of How To Keep Your Marriage From Sucking also recommends a walk down memory lane. “Going somewhere you have great memories together can remind you that you’re still interesting people who like each other,” she says. “Sometimes we need a sensory kick in the butt to reignite a dormant spark.”

And share secrets with each other.

If you’re feeling disconnected, try telling your partner a secret you’ve never revealed to anyone before. “When couples are welcoming and non-judgmental of their partner’s secrets they strengthen their connection,” says Suzann Pileggi Pawelski, co-author of Happy Together, which she wrote with her husband James Pawelski, PhD. Whether it’s a childhood memory, a vivid dream, or a fantasy, when you share these truths, you’re saying “I trust you,” which helps re-establish an emotional bond. And that can feel very sexy.

Get your hearts racing together.

If you watch The Bachelor, you’ve seen how bungee jumping can bring two people closer (well, temporarily at least). And while they may seem in love, it’s the adrenaline rush and endorphins that help speed things along.

“Studies show that adrenaline increases attraction,” says Miller. So if you’re longing to make your heart go pitter-patter again, try literally kick-starting it. If jumping off a bridge isn’t your thing, Miller suggests going to an amusement park, a haunted house, or trying anything new and adventurous that interests both of you.

Don’t underestimate the power of a “thank you.”

Kira Bartlett PsyD, says that one of the easiest ways to keep the spark alive is to acknowledge the things that your partner does. So if you feel like your relationship is waning, make it a daily practice to tell your partner (in a text, or face-to-face) something you appreciate. For example, “Thank you for taking the trash out every week, I know I don’t seem to notice, but it’s a big help.” Pileggi Pawelski says that gratitude is one of the most important positive emotions for thriving relationships. “When expressed regularly, gratitude has been shown to be a booster shot for satisfaction,” she says.

Burn your resentments.

According to Dr. Juliana Morris, therapist and certified sex expert, one way to rekindle a flickering relationship is to literally light a fire. “Sit down together and, on small pieces of paper, privately write down your resentments,” she says. Then use a pit, or burning bowl, and “set the papers on fire with the intention of releasing the negative feelings.” When done correctly—as in ensuring that the focus remains on healing and moving forward, and not dredging up the past—Morris says that this can be a “fun and freeing practice.”

Take sex off the table.

It may seem counterintuitive, but to get heat back, it may be best to take the sex out of it—at least for a little while. “For some couples, removing the pressure of having sex can help rekindle romance and connection,” says Morris. She suggests trying an ‘anything but’ rule: “Kiss and hold hands and go to second base, but that’s it,” she says. “Not going all the way can help relax the situation, as well as allow vulnerability and create a build up of sexual tension.”

(Or, have sex on the table!)

On the other hand, amping up your sex life is also a good idea. Morris sometimes recommends that her clients try a 30 day sex challenge. “When you’ve committed to having sex every day, it can be fun to anticipate it,” she says.

Cori Dixon-Fyle, founder and psychotherapist at Thriving Path, also recommends shaking up the usual routine. “Changing when, where, how, and who initiates sex can make a long-term relationship feel fresh again,” she says. But if your sex life has gotten so stagnant that you feel like nothing will help, Morris suggests seeing a licensed sex therapist who can teach you that “sexual connection is something that deserves attention,” she says.

Plan secret dates for each other.

It’s always nice to be thought of, and it feels good to do something nice for your partner. So once a month, take turns planning dates for each other. “Simply tell your partner how to dress, from sweats to formal,” suggests Dixon-Fyle. “The surprise of the date adds desire and mystery,” she explains. Pileggi Pawelski also recommends planning dates for each other. But be careful! If you hate football and your partner is obsessed, don’t plan to take them to a bar to watch a game. You’ll be grumbling the whole time. Instead, Pileggi Pawelski says to identify your partner’s strengths, and pair it with yours. For example, if you love to learn, and your partner is creative, take a painting class together (and bring some wine!)

Give each other space.

Remember when you were first dating, and you’d spot your partner across the room? Levy says “distance creates desire and anticipation,” and suggests this little game: The next time you go out together, sit at opposite sides of the bar. “You never know what feelings you’ll stir up,” she says. Miller also agrees that distance can help revitalize a flatlining relationship, but she suggests taking it one step further by spending time apart from one-another. (Woot! Girls trip!) “Sometimes we need time away to truly miss our partner and to remember what we have at home waiting for us,” she says.

Take care of yourself.

When you’re in a relationship for so long, it can be hard to remember where your partner ends and you begin. Unfortunately, that’s a sure way to suck the oxygen out of the fire. “It’s difficult to feel attracted to someone who has lost their autonomy and individual identity,” says Dixon-Fyle. She suggests rekindling the passion in your relationship by fueling yourself first: Find a hobby, set some job goals, or do charity work. “Not only will having individual interests give you something to talk about,” says Dixon-Fyle, “but when you’re happy with yourself, you set the standard on how others love you.”

 

The Right Butt Plug For Beginners

The Right Butt Plug For Beginners

Sex is still being considered to be a taboo for most of the present day people, the walls of secrecy and opaqueness surrounding it is coming crashing down for various reasons. The present day society is becoming more liberal and more open-minded. Both the young 

Starting Your Penis Plug Journey

Starting Your Penis Plug Journey

Urethral sounding in the Netherlands can be very rewarding when done properly. Ask how amazing it would feel if you could have intense pleasure both inside and outside of your penis at the same time. Numerous people have appreciated the unadulterated excitement, and with this 

Vagina and Ben Wa Balls: The Perfect Combination

Vagina and Ben Wa Balls: The Perfect Combination

Beginners, women who want to exercise after their pregnancy to get their pelvic floor muscles in shape again, or 50-plus ladies can best choose for larger and lighter balls. Experts advise to start with a light ball on a sturdy string, made of safe silicone. Yoni egg vs Ben Waa balls, these balls are easier to insert and remove.

Between 30 and 45 years with children (Slightly advanced)

Are you between 30 and 45, with children and no serious pelvic floor symptoms? Then you belong to the group ‘slightly advanced’.

Not yet 35? No children? No complaints? (Advanced)

Under 35 and had no childbirth? Or do you practice yoga or Pilates? And do you have no pelvic floor symptoms? Then you belong to the ‘advanced’. The heavier balls are harder to hold and a right choice for you. Small, heavy balls are the ultimate challenge. But you do not have to opt for small balls automatically. Small balls are often less good to feel and therefore give less that sensual and exciting feeling.

Complete cone sets that anyone over 30 can use (Beginners and light advanced)

If you do not know exactly whether you belong to the “beginners” or “slightly advanced” group, you can opt for a complete training set. The best and most beautiful set experts find is the Je Joue Ami nice set that goes up to a tough workout , but the inexpensive set Nova from Svakom , The Cherry set with which you can start with very light weights and the Luna Beads from the top brand Lelo are also effective. You can use this as a ‘beginner’ or ‘slightly advanced’ start and build up the training slowly, at your own pace. Is the first ball a little too light? Then you can start with the heavier version. Another tip: also take a look at the yoni eggs.

How do you apply the balls well?

Try to relax yourself. A shower in advance can be nice. Bring your attention to your pelvic floor area. Clean the balls before use. You can do this with lukewarm water and anti-bacterial soap or a special toy cleaner.

First apply a little lubricant (for example Pink Frolic or Pjur Toy Lube) to the (front ball.) You can also apply the lubricant to the opening of your vagina, which makes the insertion more comfortable, but do not overdo it, because that can make the ball too smooth making it difficult to hold in place, then you put the ball in, or the balls one by one, press them a little into your vagina until the ball slides in. Then its okay does not push the ball all the way to the back of the vagina, keeping the string on the outside of your body.

Try to experiment with the spot. This stimulates the vaginal wall and gives an exciting feeling.   Try to wear them lower in the vagina for a softer sensation, or try to get them directly behind the g-spot for a more intense excitement. The most important thing is that the basic ball is on top of the pelvic floor muscle. If wear a ben wa ball during your normal activities such as walking, swimming, or cleaning, you activate and strengthen your pelvic floor muscles.

When do you know that you have the right ball?

The best weight of the cone to start with is the cone that you can lift and lower comfortably once inserted.

Simple training with ben wa balls

By wearing the balls during your normal activities such as walking, swimming or cleaning you activate and strengthen your pelvic floor muscles.

You must stand or keep moving, and not sit or lie down. The balls will tend to sag and drop below their own weight. Your pelvic floor muscles respond to this and automatically contract. This ensures effective and specific physiotherapy. Depending on how it feels, the balls can be worn for a few minutes or longer. We advise to gradually increase the useful life. But preferably no longer than 30 minutes, because pelvic floor muscles that are too tight can cause other problems. For real muscle strengthening, the balls must be worn regularly over an uninterrupted period. Well with a rest day after 2 days of training for the best result for example, a number of times a week for 1-4 months.

Extra cone exercises

For optimal results, you can do cone exercises with these cone balls. Exercises 1 and 2 in particular are good exercises to start calmly.

Kegel exercise 1 Good start exercise

For this exercise you sit on a chair. You put the ball in, you keep the legs closed. You try to gently move the ball back and forth. Then focus on squeezing the balls.

Yoni Eggs Benefits That You Need To Know

Yoni Eggs Benefits That You Need To Know

Yoni eggs are something very personal and we believe that every woman feels best which egg fits her. To start with, we recommend using the yoni egg of quartz or jade. If you plan to give yoni eggs to a friend or acquaintance, it is